Reservations About My Relactation Journey

A couple of weeks ago I made the decision to try to relactate.

Why? Well, I'll dedicate a post going into detail why I've decided to do so.

In the meantime I wanted to let you all know about my experiences so far.

I've been continuously producing milk since I've weaned my now 3 year old. I can only express by hand a few drops, but that's enough to let me know that I still have the ability to make milk. Now, my youngest child wasn't aware of my decision (she still isn't), but on the same day that I decided to begin my relactation journey she attempted to nurse. She cuddled up next to me. I thought she was on her way to sleep until I felt her tugging on my shirt. Although she's weaned herself almost a year ago, I do realize how much of a comfort it's been for her in the past. I wasn't going to turn her down. Just as soon as I thought she was going to nurse, she pulled my shirt back up, turned her head, and went to sleep.

Did she just "know" or was it simply a coincidence? I can't tell you. What I can tell you is that she was sick that day and I figured maybe it was worked like instinct. Then again she's been sick before, and she's never attempted anything like that before. I also thought that it may have been due to regression because her youngest cousin is currently nursing. I'm not so sold on that idea though. So I'm stumped as to why.

Since then she's been wanting to nurse.... I've said to myself and others over and over again that I'd never refuse her. But I've been contradicting myself by refusing her.

I never thought that the stigma of extended breastfeeding would affect me the way it does now. I never had reservations until now. As much as I've advocated for breastfeeding in both my words and actions, I am now experiencing a sort of fear that I've never felt before. For the first time I am scared!

I've read and heard the perverted arguments of those who believes extended breastfeeding is on par with abuse, rape, and other crude acts against children.
The radical in me can care less about what a person thinks of my child's decision to want her mommy's milk. I am human though. And the thought of no support near me for my relactation journey along with being shunned by an ignorant society is down right scary.

Despite this fear I find the thought of going against societal norms empowering! For those who are not aware... Rates of breastfeeding amongst people of color are just one of the MANY racial disparities that we are subject to. By choosing to NOT continue nursing my daughter as she'd like due to a perverted society, I'd not only be doing a disservice to my child, but to those who may need the support to breastfeed longer than what's socially acceptable. This relactation journey will be emotionally difficult for me. But I hope to serve as not only a healthy option for my child, but as continuous support for those in communities of color... My community.... My people.